is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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