Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
