Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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