I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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