I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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