You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
