I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
