I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
