cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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