we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
