Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
