i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
