I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
