look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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