I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
