it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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