i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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