I look better un-naked...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
