He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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