I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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