Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize