why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
