Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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