she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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