5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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