Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
