yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
