tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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