Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
