I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
