i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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