did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I bet he comes in French.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
