So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
soo... how was my night?
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