ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
