we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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