Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
