he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
