theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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