I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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