google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
