Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
