I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Everyone says I win the strip club
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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