Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
