I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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