Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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