so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So. Much. Porn.
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