I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
