when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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