You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
