how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
