Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
