Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
