I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
