he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
