Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
