i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
