Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
