so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
