never play flip cup with pint glasses
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
