He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
