Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
