in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
