i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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