Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
