Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Kiss
Puke
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
