If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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