I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
