I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
