Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
