he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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