I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
