how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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