Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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