"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
