I CAN MOONWALK!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize