I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
