dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
