you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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