You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
