im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
