I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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