i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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