The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
