she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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