If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize