I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
