Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
