He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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