booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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